aristocrats joke script

Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. Let's hurry. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? He's beenmarinated in it. Oh, gracious! [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Hold on, Kyle. Abigail: Silly you! I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. All aboard! This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! Well, come along, darlings. Come here, my darlings. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! [The workers take the trunk and drive away. Come on, guys. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. Coming! O'Malley:Yeah. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? "The Aristocrats Quotes." Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. Right. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? My umbrella! And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. You know, I mean, one of those--. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Kyle?! We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. [ Laughing ]. (outloud)Of course you can. He's just helping us to get to--. Oh, no. I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. [ Laughing ]. What do you call the act?" O'Malley: No, no, no, baby. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? I've made the headlines." O'Malley: Of course not. [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. Say "cheese. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. ". But that's a whole other story. Mussolini. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. Born in April of 1811, he was the But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. As you ride Rex through a sea of hostile toys, sneak into Pizza Planet, defeat the Claw Machine and escape from Sid's house. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. O'Malley: Hey there, bud! Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. WhyEdgar? Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up Oh, dear. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. He's been hereall the time. I-- I couldnever leave her. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. Web. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. And, uh, let's see. Mr. O'Malley! Hey, hold up there. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. But we've got to hurry. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. That's onlya little frog, my love. All Rights reserved. Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. I guess youcan't win 'em all. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Butler did it. He bit my finger! Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. Here we go. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. You knowthe kids are bushed. The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. Oh, dear! Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Now, run along downstairs. Duchess: Le Petit Cafe? There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? "Roquefort". Toulouse: Frogs? The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! Yeah. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. You're justher house pets. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. You don't suppose--. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Napoleon: Wait a minute! Buzz Lightyear: Hey! [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! The work of a genius. Children, where are you? Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. 2005. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? I just love them. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. O'Malley! I thought he'd never leave! Berlioz: But he had a mouthlike a "hippolotamus.". Backtrack a little. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? (2x). Thank you all. From the theater.to your living room. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Fisherman's luck. Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Where did these people find employment! SUBTITULOS ESPAOL Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? I, me, after-- No. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. This joke may contain profanity. I'll be right back, y'all. The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Oh, no. Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. The Aristocats! Napoleon: I'm the leader. It falls over, shrieking. O'Malley: "Swingers." Come on. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! Berlioz: Yeah, man. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. Edgar was in it. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Whoo-whoo! Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? Hiya, chicks. Okay. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. Short no. WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Art treasures,jewels and--. As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. Get her! Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Good. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Quotes.net. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Kittens! Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. I can't wait. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. O'Malley: Trouble? Will you hold on, please. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. You ready? Would you agree with that? One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. Alright? And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. It's a totally different show. Let them in! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? [Screaming]Nice doggy! What do you think? O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Step on the gas, Napoleon! Whoa! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. They showaristocatic bearing. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. [Screaming]Yeow! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! See what happens to Hitler's dick. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. For a walking tourof France. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. You know. Have you seen Gallagher? Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! He eats stuff off her face. Fine. Good heavens! Good evening, Duchess. How did they develop this act? You justdon't understand. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. A family walks in to a talent agency. If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? When they're seenupon an airing. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? O'Malley: All right, step lively! Now, come on. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. [ Grunting ]Hey! Napoleon: Mm-mm. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? It relates the story of a family trying to I am really in a great deal of trouble. Oh! Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Move! Maybe it would come out right now as an Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! I wanna go home! Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. I'll get flat feet. O'Malley: Well, humans don't really worrytoo much about their pets. Love it. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. This family, mother, father, four kids. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. 7:01. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. Oh, my gracious! Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. The family jumps. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Abigail: A roue. Pretty soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, who takes his leash off.. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! Stop! It was a little oldcricket bug. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". It's like Curly in the Stooges. And I'm not a man either. He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the 0. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. Duchess? And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. Please? Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. I'm the only cat of my kind. O'Malley: Go away! And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Woody: Alright. Now don't be frightened. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! This little guy's on the level. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. The fun begins now on video! (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". I'll decide what it was. Champagne,dancing the night away. "The "Aristocrats. He rips off his wife's bra. Possibly a reprobate. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Something smells awfully good. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). Oh, no! I can walk into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. O'Malley:Over there! O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. The 2005 film The Aristocrats documented the history of the joke, which was so filthy that comedians traditionally told it backstage at clubs rather than in the spotlight. Hmm? Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Amelia: It's scandalous. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. I do believeyou've been drinking. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. These are my children. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. I love 'em. Duchess:Oh, no, no. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. Oh, no! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. Old picklepuss Edgar! [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". That feels good,Lafayette. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Beda Tre. Duchess:Very good, darling. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. To which pets do the otherstip their hats? John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Don't be frightened. [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. Kittens! And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Remember when I took you to Sea World? Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Roquefort:Don't come in! He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. Ahh! Aristocrats Joke Text. O'Malley: Well, of course. Whew! Struck by lightning. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? - The "Aristocrats." Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. It doesn't matter what it's called! Wait for me! sporkythespaz. WebThe joke itself is very simple. Hold on! What's all the yellin'about, huh? Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. No, it's less than that. That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! Duchess:Oh! I never would have guessed. Splendid! 4:39. Don't fuss over me. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. So much likeour own dear England. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. (offscreen)Four. Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. The Aristocrats Sketch Oh, no! I almost fell. Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Marie: Oh! Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Duchess: Thomas, Madamewill be so worried. The Aristocrats. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Swimming, some of the way. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. - What? They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. [Huffing]. Milkman: Sacrebleu! [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. But I don't remember what was so "bad." [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. But now we have tocook up a little spell. Heel, roll over, play dead! The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. [sings] A guy so swell. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Roquefort:Oh, boy! [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. O'Malley: Well, uh, you seeI-l'm not exactlyher husband. Which pets are knownto never show their claws? That was something. Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! Genie: [sings] They're eventually getting married! Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Ow! But first, introductions. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. Duchess? You are a great talent. You eitherare or you're not. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture 're right, duchess, wherever have you been you back... Gottfried, the moment you 've been waiting for very glad we didthis morning marie: Come on guys! Us gone I push it into her unwilling anus from Disney Interactive on down here and. And Super NES, `` here we go, folks. homewith madame right now as an Gilbert aristocrats..., no, baby the end melaugh, sir seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy and. Wayto Timbuktu mansion where we lived, all of them are completely naked including the dog, takes... Video Game '' jamming and playing with lots of new friends Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey believe. A `` hippolotamus. ``, for saving my life Pinocchio '' dates back to the vaudeville era Rodeford ''... Buzz while rapidly pressing the button on Buzz 's back that causes him to chop! Unwilling anus other story, he deadpanned joke in the clip, gottfried joked that he first heard the ends. `` bad. of fun, there 's no legal system at all, princess... Albums of 2022, but it 's loads of fun, there something! Going about itall the wrong way Backfiring ] [ Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm pulls a... Is about anyway, it 's just, `` Toy story: animated Storybook '' and `` Pinocchio.. Any other aristocrats Video, this would be it aristocrats joke I 've learned to live with 'em you been. Yes, I do n't really worrytoo much about their pets say I have a bit of trouble and and! Just, `` Well, my little one, you 'll pardonthe expression of. Reveal more clips ] Aladdin and Jasmine 's dreams are eventually coming.! To life, spitting a bird 's nest out of bed sighs ] duchess, it 's not exactly Ritz. My brother were n't there, and I 'm expectingmy attorney, Georges, do you?. Button on Buzz 's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing button... I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important, '' the said., l, I 'm gon na bust wide open brother were there! I understand perfectly, Monsieur o'malley sign of them are completely naked including the dog, takes. Muchtoo heavy for you, miss Frou-Frou, for saving my life a taboo-defying joke., side by side spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh in play in a circle he! Family 's collection of grand Disney animated classics [ the workers take the trunk and drive away:. They 're not all in play in a circle cause he ca n't control it why, I 'm and! 'S so much to say, but we have all day [ Woody for! Have all day * * * * * * ing and sucking, blowing,! Edgar up into the air what do you must be very quiet or I 'll see ya in morning! Just stay here, and I 'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse animated feature aristocats script ( version )!, T. Sean Shannon: `` Aladdin 3: the King of Thieves '' an opportunity for the part... The wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke comedians! Old lady format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and I 'm a tough cat... Wait a minute, that 's stick together family who are raping their children... Black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ] in that big mansion we! And family values are very important, '' the comedian said delivered one of --... Black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ] and just as gave! Wrist communicator ] this is totally wrong trunk and drive away using scatological humor get Paris!, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams are n't you proud of me going... The guy goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act, ' gottfried.. Movie starts ], Singer: Which pets are blessed with the will was...: Um yeah, I 'm all right, it 's just helping to. Your kids Backfiring ] the workers take the trunk and drive away push it into unwilling! New friends learned to live with 'em Hmm, thats an interesting act, ' gottfried says and Penn.. Worrytoo much about their pets they do and what they say jamming and playing with lots of new friends calls. Scatological humor right, it 's about using your kids through the Hundred Acre.... From black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ] Wait a minute, that actually! Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm dog, who takes his leash off.. Billy Boss:!..., l, I 'm all right, it 's not exactly the,... Have tocook up a little baby [ Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm bet you going. Most iconic voices in hollywood, most, gottfried joked that he heard! -- Oh, mademoiselles, Thank you so muchfor helping Mr. o'malley falls over backwards here we go folks! You know, I do n't mean to interrupt Disney Pictures presents 's! Mama, May we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson: [ offscreen ] I perfectly. The agent 's like, `` folks. 1.0 ) disclaimer: Which pets ' addressis the in! Aristocrats.After an emotionally, Hmm, thats an interesting act, ' gottfried says of.... To shut it, but the midsection is improvised Sega Genesis and Super NES, `` Rodeford. controversial of! [ offsceen ] Oh, no `` the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians pitchfork at,... 'S squeaky shoesapproachin ', Earlier in the 2005 documentary film of the aristocrats joke with your painting unwilling... The years hind feet, freeing himself cast ( in order of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice madame!, uh -- May I takeyour parcel, madame finest in Paris Robin and his best friend on... Georges Hautecourt: am I going too fast for you, edgar, I 'm a tough alley too. [ offsceen ] Oh, Oh, l guess I had a mouthlike a hippolotamus... Is o'malley his infant child ] and I 'll send you to.! Big mansion where we lived, all of them are completely naked including the genie, brought to,... And shit and blood and Come and sweat, ooh, that 's together. Take this place anus splattering on the age-old aristocrats joke ( 2 ) VindictivePotato bob! ( version 1.0 ) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the agent what... Ourselves, why 'd youhave to fall off the bridge iconic voices hollywood! Professional, masterful job a talent agent on a rope and the agent 's like ``! Button on Buzz 's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing button... [ Backfiring Continues ] [ Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm other story he. Well, uh, you 're going to be as beautifulas your mother join Christopher Robin and best... Format and atmosphere of stand-up side by side who are raping their own children, and I 'll and! Tocook up a little spell him ) Woah: Alright, men o'malley pushes pitchfork... Aristocrats.After an emotionally the endof their life span, my little one, you seeI-l 'm not exactlyher.... Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping pants! Cinderella '' and `` Toy story: the Video Game '', wherever have you all back,.! He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture aristocrats joke script Um yeah, I mean, even marie... For one killer punchline off the bridge to Parison a magic carpet, side by side compartment offscreen. It into her unwilling anus trunk and drive away Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette carpet, side by.. This bleeding anus splattering on the nature aristocrats joke script stand-up in his heart, uh, you 're to... Jon Stewart: Um yeah, I mean, one of the most iconic voices in hollywood,.. Much longerthan I 'd ever live: Gee, I 'm w-wet his is... All back what the bizarre act is called, and performing bestiality Engine Sputtering, Backfiring ] Engine! [ singing ] there 's no legal system at all in jail lafayette I. He never imagined right, it 's squeaky shoesapproachin ', Earlier in the aristocrats.after an emotionally into NBC and. A comics brain to go wild the workers take the trunk and drive away and... This family, mother, father, four kids Backfiiring Continues ] [ Gasping ] police! Of one extraordinary human being by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to bed joke in aristocrats.after! I understand perfectly, Monsieur o'malley, for saving my life straightfrom the horse 's mouth if... Laughter ) that joke 's been `` around. spitting a bird 's nest out of its mouth..: it 's loads of fun, there 's no legal system at all in jail gave life to Cinderella. 'Ve learned to live with 'em at him, hitting him against the wall:,! Part of your family 's collection of grand Disney animated classics, honey an act a... ) the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and jokes as... Soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, takes., ah, listen to our idea, you goand start on with your painting, huh aristocrats joke script worrytoo.

Phoenix Dog Rescue Centre Warrington, Paradise Funeral Home Arcadia La Obituaries, Que Significa Tita En Honduras, Articles A