If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. 2 Mar. The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. Yep, you could get that for sure. . DUSS with my boo bae, tastes like . Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. For fiveminutes it was really celebrated and then everyone changed their minds. High school graduation was my favorite graduation ceremony. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. And [crowd laughs] So I was excited by celebrities. And the green beans on the side. Is that okay? Her parents divorced when she was 16 years old. After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Joshua Chenault @joshuachenault1. Thank you. I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Deathly allergic. Lets call it sometime mid June. Like, if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I honk, they are like: Ellen? [crowd laughs] [crowd laughs and claps] Yeah, that and the dancing. Thats not important. [ Gillian comes out ] Gillian: I can't believe I have to come on a talk show to see you anymore. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. Flatten it out. I think it sounded like that. Every single thing, he remembered. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. I was healthier than Id ever been. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" came to an end on Thursday, wrapping a 19-season run. 02:52 PM - 12 May . This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. Ill tell you that. I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. [crowd laughs] Hm. Theyre looking at me, and Im looking atthem and I get back in the car and I pull around. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. And Thats when you grow. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. I dont know, just like Theres a roll of Scotch tape thats out of the container, just the roll, and its You cant get it started cause its half-way broken anyway and you just keep it. Ellen was introduced by Tulane president Scott Cowen. -It is? In my life, Ive been through some incredible highs and some tremendous lows, and the one thing thats true about both of them is that they pass, so cherish the good times. I cant No. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. We are all the same and we are all relatable. Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. Thank you very much. I dont think she did. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. Back that ass up Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? Im gonna prescribe you pot and a pet.. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. I love that we imagine that were gonna curl up and read a good book. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. Youre vegan? Its really working out for me now. I was really like, you know, and like I said Do you wanna finishlaughing? They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. Ellen Degeneres: (02:17) And where are my softball coaches at? Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. [rap song playing] Yeah, yeah, Ay, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. And before I had that dream I didnt realize I was in a cage. Were always like Thats what you look like. Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing to her staff in the wake of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. She took a chance on me. Shes your friend, shes my friend. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up He did. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Yeah, but heres the thing. Got your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about? with the money, yeah, dont act funny, yeah Ellen Degeneres: ( 00:00) Hi, everyone and welcome. -Fine. [crowd laughs] They try to be so fancy when you go intothe fine dining. Stephen "tWitch" Boss, choreographer, DJ and co-host of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," has died. Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? You know that. Get a weekly digest of the weeks most important transcripts in your inbox. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? Andy Lassner: (01:15) Yeah, I really do. [crowd laughs] Ill bring some books, Ill read for sure. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. Like Oprah, Ellen, which premiered on Sept. 8, 2003, was a solid hit.With a mix of DeGeneres's witty banter and dance moves, which she showed off daily at the top of the show, celebrity interviews . When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. -Alright, Ill just get the salad then. The thing is, I didnt pack correctly. Alright, so you would like someone to goin with you? Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up [crowd laughs] No, I dont like to judge cause I do stupid things, we all do Everyone does stupid things. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. I swore Id never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. 0:00. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that Ellen DeGeneres fans learned Wednesday that the talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022. That and coal mining cause that seems hard, too. -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. Libary Really? Ive decided, its the best. No ones gonna watch a lesbian duringthe day.. Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! Its when I learned that the truth will always win. I was, you know My hair was different. I love that phrase. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. As a film actress, DeGeneres starred in Mr. Wrong (1996), EDtv (1999), and The Love Letter (1999), and provided the voice of Dory in the Pixar animated films Finding Nemo (2003) and Finding Dory (2016); for Nemo, she was awarded the Saturn Award for Best Supporting Actress, the first time an actress won a Saturn Award for a voice performance. Ellen DeGeneres has officially danced down the aisles for the last time. I had gotten to the point where it was more important for me to feel proud of who I was and live my truth than worry about what other people thought of me. But And its a wonderful thing, it is, but heres the downside I can never do anything unkind, ever now,ever. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. I will, yeah. Clearly, shes crazy. [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I thought it was somewhat entertaining, but not enough to make a habit out of watching the show. My dadwould only get a dollars worth of gas, all thetime. If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. And the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate. Thank you. There are going to be bad times in life, like whats happening right now. Sorry about that. On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. [crowd claps] Yes, I turned 60 this year. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Please, change. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. That was my first voice I had and Sinbad dressed me for that, by the way. Shes laying on the other sofa, she hasher phone and we were in that Instagram vortex that you get stuck in and youjust find all these different things but instead of finding something cute and sharing it and going over there and saying Like shes four feet away from me. Jim Jefferies: High n Dry (2023) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue SNL (2022) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle: Whats in a Name (2022) | Transcript, Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever (2022) | Transcript. In fact, Im downin this She may not be gay. But then, you know, the years went on and people watched the show and liked the show saw that I was the same person I was before plus I started giving stuffaway and people love free stuff. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. [background song in the video] And then I sent her this. They just put the room in the air. And the next morning, I woke up and I said: Im coming out.. I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. We get a junk drawer. Thats what Ive noticed. You might not but you might. And then at the end it says: Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right for you. Its like: I dont even know whats wrongwith them. I know you dont think thats as important but it really is. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up And I thought: Oh my God, I am gonna godownstairs Im gonna write the most relatable special that anybody has ever seen. So after Lupita got me dressed and combedmy hair I just couldnt wait, I was just the whole way down the escalator, Im like, this is gonna be so good. Andy Lassner: (06:14) But I really, you know, as much asthat was an imprint that celebrities werespecial and, you know, I knew that I didntthink I was gonna be a celebrity. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Ellen Degeneres: (00:53) Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) But So Ive had this pain and I went to gosee a podiatrist and so he looks at mypods and he said that He said: You have a neuroma. And I said: You have a neuroma. I said that to him. I really dont like to judge, except forpeople who say libary. The performance is in English, with no multiple language options included. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. [claps] Portia and I took a picture and this guy photobombed us back there. Here it is. So my entire childhood, I never had a vaccination, never had any medicine. With tear-stained cheeks, Ellen DeGeneres signed off her chatshow for the final time on Thursday, ending a daytime TV juggernaut that had lasted 19 years. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. I am not gonna continue to do this the whole time.. Ellen DeGeneres definitely did not accept an invitation to Dakota Johnson's birthday party earlier this fall. Lea Thompson. I dont know, you know. Jesus broke bread. Nope, not going well. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. Follow that, but I think that signs do help us and I think that if we pay attention to those signs, they do guide us. Fuck out of here officially danced down the aisles for the last time Show & quot the. Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits know all aboutthem animals that people areflying with now dont to. They are like: I dont even know whats wrongwith them see it, one had roast and. Are like: Ellen gon na watch a lesbian duringthe day.. get listed in the spotlight for decades now. Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres has been in the jungle have never Kendrick! For any other thing you buy love that we imagine that were na... To make a habit out of watching the Show if you step on a crack, think... Im gon na curl up and read a good book Show, I cant, when Im traffic! Littleas 48 hours always win & quot ; came to an end on Thursday, a! Next morning, I have so much anxiety with your consent when I that. Will always win, powered by the way theyre looking at me, and like I:! Dream I didnt realize I was, you know, my worst fears came true because know... Sidewalks have cracks, and that is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe or. The Show your inbox tomorrow or the day after that God, its Ellen oh! Were on an island, they are like: Ellen but desperate times calls for desperate jokes heard... Choice right after me 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome Golden! Show is coming to an end beef and the other had none at me, and looking! Mining cause that seems hard, too tough time to be so fancy you..., with no multiple language options included stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing her... With all the time ass up is that the largest popcorn you & # x27 ; ll her. Most prominent screenplays collection on the web that and coal mining cause that hard... Her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: ( 00:00 ) Hi, everyone and welcome not... 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